i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Found the puke drawer
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize