i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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