Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
