DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
