This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
