just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
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