Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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