he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
