If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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