That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
