his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
17 year olds will be the death of me.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
