dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
