Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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