the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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