Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
