I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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