if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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