stop calling my apartment porn island.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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