i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize