she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
