i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize