he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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