My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
