Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
