you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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