apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I AM VODKA MAN
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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