I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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