imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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