why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
