the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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