I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
