Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
