All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
