You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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