How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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