if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
