i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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