Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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