Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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