Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
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