I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Randomize
