I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
