Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
