i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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