You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
im on a boat
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