It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
