Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I have peed in a lot of sinks
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
