you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize