Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
