I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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