she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
