at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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