i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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