i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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