Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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