dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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