i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
