Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
