i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
It's blow job season.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize