It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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