is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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