my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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