He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
