how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Randomize
