hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
